May 26, 1997
A warning to any enthusiastic gardener with a sense of propriety: Beware of herbs. Herbs are not only attractive, aromatic, and often tasty -- they are obsessive!
With ordinary plants, a container or two on the patio may satisfy your creative drive. Not so with herbs. Two pots rapidly become four, four become eight, and these spill over into the landscape. After all, you may justify to yourself, when there are dozens of different species of mint, how can you possibly be expected to stop with common peppermint? Certainly anyone can understand the need to add spearmint and applemint and orange mint and....
They Increase Through Music and Myth
Actually, adding to the collection within a species is not the major cause of herbal proliferation. Anyone growing parsley and sage must, of course, add rosemary and thyme. Through music and myth, the novice may be continually lured to new plants.
Nor does the herbal obsession stop with growing the plants. Books begin to appear. The history and lore of herbs is the history of mankind. The search for herbs and spices led the Spaniards across the ocean and helped build the Dutch and English Empires. Modern medicine has its roots in ancient herb gardens, and the mythology of Greece and Rome is colorful with the origins of herbs. The subject is so fascinating that it can pervade your every conversation. Have you ever tried to discuss thyme with a two-year-old?
Herbs Will Assault Other Areas
As if this weren't enough, herbs will assault other areas of your life. You may find yourself dyeing yarn with plants from your garden when you don't even know how to weave. Or concocting brews of herbal teas to delight your friends and dispel their various ailments - or vice versa.
The kitchen is the heart of the herbal stronghold. Once you begin to flavor meats and soups with your own plants, all other cooking becomes bland. Vegetables, breads, drinks, even desserts demand the heightened character brought about by herbs.
Herbs will eventually invade the privacy of your bedroom and bath. Potpourris and pomanders will change the air you breathe, while herbal baths hold you captive. In the most advanced stage of obsession, you may even find yourself scenting your soaps or molding candles with herbal essences.
Gardeners Have Been Known To Go To Any Lengths
One of the most insidious aspects of this obsession is the way it spreads. When confirmed herb gardeners have access to an uninitiated person, they will go to any lengths to get the other hooked. If the person happens to be visiting, they will give cuttings, recipes, little boxes of dried herbs, little bags of fragrant foliage, and beautiful stories of the fun involved.
If, on the other hand, herb gardeners can only talk or write to the innocent person who doesn't take warnings seriously, they will try to convince them of the value of herbs with many flowery words.
As a matter of fact, I would like to tell you about some of the most beautiful, extraordinary, indescribably lovely plants I happen to know about....
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